I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
