I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
