i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
