I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
