one word: firstdatebathroomanal
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
