A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
