god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
