I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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