He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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