he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
