i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Enjoy the penises
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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