But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
