Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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