ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
It's blow job season.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
