I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
