Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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