I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
