why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
