Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
