i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
