I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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