Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
