my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
