i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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