Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We talked him into tasing himself.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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