he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
