I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Come share oat with me in your robe
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
