saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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