and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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