i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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