im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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