I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Randomize
