She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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