She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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