So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
