the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
