I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
