I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
When are your genitals available?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
