I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
