You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
