I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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