Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
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