how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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