My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
We have so much sex to catch up on
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
