Sponge bath it is.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
