She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
