Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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