Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
