we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
