i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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